just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
