i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
