Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
