Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
