so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
