i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
