After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
