I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
