well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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