He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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