some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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