hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
