Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
