i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
