We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
