New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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