C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
