I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
