what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
