is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
