That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
