Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
