i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
