i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
