After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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