What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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