so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
