No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
