She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
