i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
