We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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