dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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