We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
