You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
