so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
