I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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