i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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