Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
