apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
