Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
