i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
