First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
