i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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