It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
