we have pet lesbian snakes
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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