he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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