google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
