well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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