i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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