If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
