Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
