what day is it and did you see me today?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
