Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
